The 11th Year.

9/11 is a day that will forever be embedded into our memories. It is a day that hangs heavy and somber in our hearts. For those who lost loved ones, it is a day to remember and grieve. But as history has always shown, life goes on. People get up each day, go to work, spend time with their families, spend money, go on vacations, etc. The most immediate reactions and emotions we had that particular day, fade slowly off into the distance.

Each year, we commemorate the anniversary of this tragic event. Some weep, some get angry and I am sure there are those who don’t bat an eye. Me? I feel sadness. But perhaps in a way you might not think. The sadness I feel is more of a yearning to remember and recreate the level of humanity that was expressed that fateful day. Political affiliations, skin color, income levels- none of that mattered. People came together to love, support and embrace one another.

Here, on the 11th anniversary of September 11, 2001, I find myself asking, “Why is it that it takes such a horrific event to bring us together as compassionate human beings?” Of course there are many individuals who practice such things as compassion, unity and love on a day to day basis, but sadly, as a whole, I feel we so easily forget to institute these virtues. Wars rage on, racism thrives, greed and egos grow, agendas implemented. We live in fear of things yet to come. We see these attacks as attacks on AMERICA. We place the blame on other cultures and beliefs. The truth is any such attack that happens anywhere in the world is a tragedy against the human race.

I don’t really believe that this world is ever truly capable of creating a utopia. I feel that there are too many who live to serve their own purpose. There are some who will see this as a cynical point of view. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. What I do know is that I can be me. I can be a positive and empathetic soul in a world seemingly shrouded in darkness. So today, let us not dwell on tragedy. Let us live in compassion and love everyday. Let us live our lives to the fullest in each moment. By doing so, we will continue to honor those who are no longer able.

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A Magical Birthday Weekend

Friends and Laughter and PLAYing together

HOOping, dancing, tWirlinG and SWirling

FaiRIES, trees, SpaRkly chanDEliers, bellS ringing

yoga, MeditATION, sleepING and dreaming

CosTumes, head dresses, body PAINT and glitter

music blaRING with BASS thumping, ears RINGing and eyes DroopING

EATING vegeTarian YUmmies, dirTY feet, TIRED feet, lots and lots of walking feet

babies, MAMAs, youNG and OLD, men, WOMen, BLack and white and all the colors in between

turNinG 30, bIRTHday presents, smiling, shivERING

snugGLING, Cuddling, LOVING, hugs and Kisses, inspiration and connection

 

All these things and more. Life is BEAUTIFUL.

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My evolving life

I was on the cusp of something huge. I could feel it with every fiber in my being. We had a pretty epic storm last week and it turned out to be a perfect metaphor for everything I was experiencing. Just as the wind forced its way through the valley, my truth was forcing its way through my being. I could no longer keep it inside. Fear? No longer dictating my desire to speak from my authentic self.

It was not an easy decision to finally allow myself to “lean” into my fear, but it was necessary. And so I did. The energy permeating the air was almost tangible. All that I had been holding onto for so long had finally been released. The empowerment I felt was almost surreal. It was also terrifying. But I survived. And it was received in the way I had been hoping with all my heart. 

And so the next part of my path moves forward. And I am so excited! I feel more fully myself again. It’s such a beautiful and freeing feeling. My purpose is continuing to become more clear and I know this next chapter, when it happens, will allow me to wholly embrace my womanhood. I can already sense the energy and it resonates with me on such a deep level. My capacity for love is greatly expanding and it feels so right.

Thank you Universe. Thank you for your guidance, strength and love when I needed it most. Thank you for helping me recognize that it was there all along and all I had to do was liberate it. Thank you for challenging me. 

Thank you.

An early gift.

Today, I am in my power. Today, I am in my feminine- in the fullest sense of the word. I feel emotional. I feel like laughing. I feel like crying. I feel like dancing and smiling, nurturing and embracing, loving and being loved. Perhaps it’s because it’s Beltaine or because my cycle started today. Maybe it’s because turning 30 is on a reachable horizon. Or maybe it’s because I am a woman.

In this last decade that have been my 20’s, I have experienced excitement, loss, happiness, heartbreak, strength and growth. I have come into maturity and acceptance. I have found what I am passionate about in this life. Things I have always identified with have been put into question. I have seen life, death and rebirth. I recognize how amazing it is for me at such a “young” age to be in this place, where others who may be older, still wander or are lost.

The one monumental experience I have struggled with in recent years, is whether or not motherhood is part of my path. My entire life has been built around this idea that I would have children. I thought I would have 3 by the time I was 30. I now find myself questioning that attachment. I have been told by some that being a mother (in the most biological sense) is not necessarily my path. I have also always had this underlying sense that I wouldn’t ever have my own. Whether that has been fear based or an unrecognized intuition, I am still trying to figure that out. There have been definite “awakening” moments when I feel that for me, motherhood as I had always thought of it, is not the way in which I will serve. My last few weeks have shown that perhaps I am in fact meant to serve in another way as a “mother”, by way of supporting women through their different phases of life. There are still moments when it is difficult for me to accept that. Watching a mother breastfeed her newborn or seeing families interacting with each other can sometimes cause a surge of grief. But ultimately I feel that whatever is meant to happen…will. I am consciously trying to practice non-attachment either way.

Through all of these processes, the one thing that holds true is the sacred connection I feel to my female relationships. I love my husband, my dad, my brothers and all the other male relationships that surround me. Their roles play largely in my life. But the bond created between women is unlike anything else. We empathize, support, listen and inspire in ways only a woman can do. You helped create space for me to grow. You are a silent (and sometimes not so silent) strength for me when I need it. You shower me with love, guidance and encouragement. You taught me that it’s okay to be me. I feel confident in my ability to fulfill my place in the world and to offer my gifts.

From one woman to another, thank you mom.